I speak from my own experience on this topic, as other people may be different than Dave and I. When we entered the lifestyle and decided to open our marriage, we both discovered that we had gravely let ourselves go. We had both stopped working out due to hectic work schedules and paid no attention to our diets. I did not take the time to dress up super sexy like I did when we first got together. We became comfortable, as many people do. The world of metaphoric ‘elastic waistbands and house shoes’ were becoming not just our norm, but the preference for the majority of the time. In my mind, we were past the courting or honeymoon phase. The excitement and spark had faded some, and now this was what normal people do. I have never really grouped myself in with the definition of ‘normal,’ I think most people I know would agree. We found ourselves participating in the daily grind, get up go to work, come home, complain about work, agonize over what to have for dinner then decide if you want sex or sleep and start the cycle over the very next day. I don’t know if anybody else is satisfied with this lifestyle, but it wasn’t making us happy, and we didn’t even know it. Firstly, when we first met, we worked out, took the initiative on eating well, and took pride in self-grooming in ALL regards. Our presentation to each other was our priority; we wanted to be the best we could be physically and sexually. We were motivated by the excitement of the newness of our relationship. Infatuation, flirting, and seduction, are all the best parts of having a new lover.
We entered the lifestyle, or the choice to become monogamish, and we quickly found that those old feelings of anticipation and excitement were still there, just dormant. We were motivated again to take pride in our appearance for ourselves and each other. We had a renewed sense of self-awareness. Not necessarily to impress anybody, but to feel sexy again. It was dating all over again, including all the tingles, only this time we were dating other people, but together. I enjoyed shopping for sexy outfits and taking extra time with my makeup. I felt beautiful, and Dave loved it as well. It was fun, plain, and simple. We were stepping out of our box and into a new adventure, and we were doing it together. Now it is a part of everyday life to take the time to work out and take care of ourselves. We have grown together in so many ways since becoming non-monogamous, but most importantly, we have grown closer to each other.