In my opinion, we should all have well-defined boundaries. Despite having discussed several scenarios and experiences with our partner, unforeseeable events can and likely, will arise. For instance, close friends of mine have a ‘no kissing’ rule. They do engage in full swap, but they do not kiss other people on the mouth. In one circumstance, they were in an intense sexual experience. There was a lot of chemistry and a good four-way connection. In the heat of the moment, the female member of the opposite couple planted a kiss right on the male member of the no kissing club. He reciprocated the kiss and did not turn away. Later he explained that he was caught up in the moment and did not want to disturb the energy. The problem was that his wife saw this happen and became very upset and stopped all play immediately and left the room. He had a split second to make a choice, and he ultimately made the wrong one. Ground rules and boundaries are important; however, we do need to understand there can be some grey area when it comes to playing. This is NO way means that you should intentionally overstep boundaries, but if you are the partner that did no wrong, try to take a step back and understand the situation. Often these situations end up being great learning experiences for a couple in the swinging lifestyle.
Nobody likes drama, so if your partner does do something hurtful or upsetting, try to handle it like an adult to avoid making other people feel very awkward and uncomfortable. Play can be quickly stopped, and it is perfectly appropriate to excuse yourself from a situation for any reason. , does not mean that shouting, cursing, or slamming doors is necessary. When you are in a play experience, senses and emotions are heightened. Reactions are often a result of adrenaline rushes and raging hormones. ; however can be a recipe for altercations and that is not the answer to the issue at hand.
We all make mistakes, however in play experiences, we are in a very sensitive environment that is reliant on trust and emotional security. Reply your boundaries through your mind, even discuss with the people/person you are choosing to play with, so this way, everyone knows what these boundaries are. One way ensures that your swinging ‘side hobby’ will fail and possibly never return would be to break trust. This is an open-minded situation, involving humans and sex drive. There will be mistakes and mishaps. Discuss these after your experiences, keep an open dialogue. Understand that even the most details boundaries will not cover something that may bother you or your partner encounter. You won’t even know you don’t like something until you watch it happen or experience it for yourself. You shouldn’t get upset with your partner for not being able to read your mind, but this is why having clear and concise conversations after play is essential.
If something that was not discussed is happening at the moment, you should not endure it for the sake of not upsetting somebody. You have the choice of speaking up and stopping everything on a dime, or you can even have a ‘code word’ that you and your partner share privately that conveys, “I am not comfortable with something that is happening, and I want to leave.”, mindset is better for people that are more conflict aversive and want to exit without incident. You ultimately decide your path, and nothing should ever feel like an obligation.