There is almost nothing better than sharing how you feel about your partner, and this “dating profile” gift is a simple, but powerful gift that keeps on giving. This week, Jess’ cousins Annabella & Denise join us to share this homemade, no-cost, gift: A dating profile written for a loved one. Jess also shares one she wrote for her Mom, and Brandon and Jess share one another’s.
We encourage you to try this one yourself and let us know how it goes!
Rough transcript of the podcast below:
It’s the end of the year and there is no better time to check in with your health. And our partner LetsGetChecked lets you do all of your health testing from home — from hormones to thyroid to STIs to cholesterol to iron to lime disease — test from home, send it in and get secure results online. Go to LetsGetChecked.com and please use code DRJESS to save and to let them know you heard about their services here.
Last year around this time, Brandon and I did an exercise based on a 2017 article in the NYT entitled, ‘You May Want to Marry my Husband‘ by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. In the piece, which she wrote from her deathbed, Rosenthal writes about her husband’s many appealing qualities as though she is writing his dating profile.
Now back in 2017, I was away on a long business trip and I read her article on a plane — I was messy crying the whole time. She sings his praises after 26 years of marriage and she passes away 10 days later.
I was so moved by the piece and inspired that I used it to write Brandon’s dating profile — just in point form and I sent it to him via text and of course, we both ended up in tears. And so I ended up using the column as inspiration for a group exercise. I was working with a group of couples in Prague and I asked them to to read Rosenthal’s column and then write a dating profile for their partner as a reminder of why they love them and to help reignite the passion.
Every participant (and even their two Czech translators) struggled to contain their tears as they read the article and made a list of their partners best qualities. When they were done, they reported feeling more present, grateful, in love and intimate with their partners. The shift of energy in the room was palpable and they were grateful that I excused myself so they could bask in the afterglow without my clinical interference.
So last year on the podcast, Brandon and I redid the exercise. I wrote his dating profile, he wrote mine and we shared them with each other on the podcast. We’re going to briefly read these and you u can definitely go back and listen to that episode now (it’s Episode 89) to listen to our reactions, but this year, I wanted to try something different. I want to try this process for other folks we love in our lives because the expression of love, of course, extends far beyond romantic or intimate partners.
So I’ve written my mom’s dating profile, which I’m going to share.
And my cousin Anna is here and she has written her mom, Denise’s profile. And they’re both joining us now.
Anna’s dating profile for her Mom, Denise:
- There’s a lot to be said about my Mom which needs more than five minutes.
- A quiet, calm, strong base of the family.
- The best listener, and because of that – the best advice giver. She’s so understanding it’s annoying. She has this ability to see all sides even when tensions/emotions are high, and speak rationally about it.
- She always helps me from cakes to school work.
- She always gives her time, her emotional capacity, she ALWAYS cares.
- She gives the best hugs.
- She’s funny in a nice way, she doesn’t pick on people for jokes.
- She’s quirky.
- She’s able to enjoy the moment so well.
- She’s dedicated and hard working.
- She’s graceful like the fairytales.
- She has a crazy amount of patience even when you don’t deserve it.
- Her baking and cooking 🙂 And she loves to share that love.
I also wrote my Mom’s dating profile (she’s the best):
- Bubbly and full of life. You can feel the energy sweep into the room — and you can hear it, which you will love!
- The definition of graceful aging. Always the cutest even though she’s never really trying.
- A really good Mom. If I ever have a kid, I hope they learn as much from me as I have from her. Her pearls of wisdom continue to carry me through life.
- No ego. Really just comfortable with herself and this is such a big part of what makes her shine.
- Willing to keep learning and growing. As a septuagenarian, this says a lot about how open her mind continues to be. And even though she talks a lot, when it comes to the serious stuff, she really is willing to listen.
- Chinese by heritage and Jamaican by birth and upbringing, now a Canadian, she blends the best of so many cultures into one, you’ll be thankful for more than just her cooking. But damn can she cook and bake — curry, focaccia, raisin bread, lasagne, protein balls, fish, meat, veg, she can do it all.
- You’ll be spoiled in your belly, heart and soul.
And I’ll share the one I wrote for Brandon once again:
- Hilarious funny man who can make kids, college dudes, a room of executives & old ladies laugh-out-loud alike.
- Kind and compassionate. Cares about every soul on this planet – even bugs.
- Will spend every day working to woo & keep you.
- Always willing to grow and change. The most committed and supportive partner one could imagine.
- Fit, handsome & dedicated to aging gracefully.
- Hard working. Ambitious. But cares about people more than the bottom line.
- Eager to please. Willing to push his comfort zone for love.
- Humble. He really has no clue how amazing he is.
- Will inspire you to be a better person.
And B also wrote one for me:
A dangerously smart, funny and adventurous woman in search of a partner who absolutely loves life. She wakes every day with a smile on her face and goes to bed (reluctantly, for fear of missing out on a party) with an excitement for what the next day will bring.
Her athleticism will impress you, and even more so when she throws a 30 yard, tight spiral while rocking 5-inch heels and dress. She is an absolute knockout. Every curve perfectly created, skin smooth as silk, deep brown eyes that will captivate you and express a sense of empathy and care for others that cannot be matched by anyone.
She is a giver. Whether food or drink, clothing, gifts or the last bite of a Sea’s chocolate. Be prepared to always warm her hands and feet because she even gives away the heat her body produces.
Did I mention she can cook and bake? You’ll learn to savour and enjoy every bite of food (and life) if you’re lucky enough to call her your partner. She’ll teach you about empathy and how to challenge societal norms. She’ll inspire you to work hard and to enjoy every dollar you earn. She’ll plan for you, take care of you, tend to you and work with you to schedule an exciting life you never dreamed possible.
You’ll fall deeply in love with her and won’t be able to picture your life without her. You’ll learn that if only every person could feel as important and cared for as she makes you feel, the world would be a better place. You’ll live your life fearful of the day you’ll be eternally apart because without her, nothing else matters.
If you want to try it at home, here are the brief guidelines:
1. Read the article, ‘You May Want to Marry My Husband‘.
2. Jot down notes for a loved one’s dating profile considering the following areas: personality, hobbies, attitude, profession, disposition, appearance, endearing idiosyncrasies, habits, parenting style, community involvement, family role and anything else that makes them wonderful. Don’t get hung up on the language — just let the words flow.
3. Share with your partner and soak up the positive affirmations.
Thank you so much for tuning in throughout 2020. Wishing you a peaceful, healthy and restful holiday season with lots of love.
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