From the curious swinger to be looking in on the swinger lifestyle, many things can be exaggerated or imagined just like anything else in the world. I am going to debunk some of the swinger myths that may have gone through my mind pre-swinger and that I have heard in my lifestyle journey.
Myth #1 Swingers don’t know what love is if they can actually have sex with other people outside of their relationship.
This is a common misconception. A word that I have learned in the swinging lifestyle is compersion. Compersion is feeling happiness or satisfaction from witnessing someone you love experiencing pleasure. In my opinion, this is the most open and selfless love you can have for another person. I was a jealous person before entering the lifestyle, and I had no way to identify my insecurities. Learning what turns my husband on helped me to understand that we are all human. Having an open relationship makes us human. This is not an emotional exchange, it is physical. Granted, we have a lot of dear friends that we play with, the sex is sex, nothing more.
Myth #2 Swinging is the same as cheating.
I still have no idea why the concept of swinging is so commonly considered cheating. Cheating takes great effort, and typically you will get caught. Most affairs don’t stop at physical, they also become emotional, and that is where they are destructive, not to mention the lying and dishonesty to your partner. Having an open marriage involves honesty and vulnerability. Having this kind of openness brings people even closer together. The lifestyle offers the opportunity to come as you are, and divulge fantasies and thoughts to the person you are closest to. This concept creates a safe place in your relationship that is unlike anything you could imagine.
Myth#3 Swingers are sex addicts, and the LS is all just orgies and sex parties.
Well, it probably depends on who you are, but I think I speak for the majority when I say that the LS is more than just the finish line of sex. Don’t get me wrong; sex is an integral part of it all. During my time in the lifestyle, I have never been invited to an orgy or sex party. Most events are sexual in nature, meaning risqué dress, dancing, and partying. If you decide to take things to another level, you may do so. If you are just there for a sexy environment, you can stop at that as well. The human interaction in a non-judgmental environment is the biggest draw, in my opinion. I love to be around people that are authentic.
Myth #4 Only people that have damaged relationships become swingers.
Far from it. In fact, all of our swinger friends are in long term, secure relationships. Many have children, careers, and mortgages. Many even have household pets and are still paying on their student loans! My point is that swingers are your neighbors, coworkers, teachers, community leaders. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but in our experience, people are happily married or committed and living their best life! They live a very vanilla, responsible life and occasionally let their freak flag fly on the side.
Myth #5 People in the Swinging Lifestyle don’t practice safe sex or have STI’s.
Again, there are exceptions to every rule; however, in my experience, safe sex is the rule. Most in the swinging lifestyle practice safe sex and/or get regular STI testing. Some people even require to see results from a potential play partner before playing. There are some people that see other couples regularly and may play bareback, but for most safe sex is a must. In my opinion, safe sex is a must and is a no exception rule.
Myth #6 Women who are in the swinging lifestyle are weak or have low self-esteem.
I preface everything with there are exceptions to every rule if you feel forced to participate in anything you aren’t comfortable with, leave! In my experience around other women in the lifestyle, I see strong women that are confident and know what they want. I see women that have had children and have stretch marks and cellulite. I see women that have survived breast cancer but still feel sexy. I see women that are accepted and are beautiful because they are precisely what they want to be. Women can be empowered in the lifestyle. Femininity and confidence is a beautiful thing!
