It’s exciting. It’s exhilarating. It can also be exhausting. The swinger lifestyle can take a lot of time. Between answering emails, perusing profiles, Kik conversations, the list goes on and on. Too much of a good thing is not necessarily a good thing. In the early part of your open relationship journey, you can tend to be hyped up on adrenaline of the unknown. Once you are a bit more seasoned, the excitement may be more of a challenge to attain. An ideal four-way connection between couples is not easy to find, and looking for it can be even more difficult. Going out for drinks or dinner regularly only to find out that the vibe is not there can be frustrating (in more ways that one!). It takes work and patience. Many of my friends in the swinger lifestyle have ‘regulars’ that they see when they feel freaky. These are couples in the lifestyle that they have already met in the past. Steady swinger playmates eliminate the ‘work’ so to speak. You know what to expect, you know what you like, and you let your freak flag fly. It takes a while to build these relationships, then making schedules align can be difficult. It’s exciting. It’s exhilarating. It can also be exhausting. The swinger lifestyle can take a lot of time. Between answering emails, perusing profiles, Kik conversations, the list goes on and on. Too much of a good thing is not necessarily a good thing. In the early part of your open relationship journey, you can tend to be hyped up on adrenaline of the unknown. Once you are a bit more seasoned, the excitement may be more of a challenge to attain. An ideal four-way connection between couples is not easy to find, and looking for it can be even more difficult. Going out for drinks or dinner regularly only to find out that the vibe is not there can be frustrating (in more ways that one!). It takes work and patience. Many of my friends in the swinger lifestyle have ‘regulars’ that they see when they feel freaky. These are couples in the lifestyle that they have already met in the past. Steady swinger playmates eliminate the ‘work’ so to speak. You know what to expect, you know what you like, and you let your freak flag fly. It takes a while to build these relationships, then making schedules align can be difficult. 

Swinging can feel like a drug, but it’s important to remember your relationship is the priority, not swinging. Swinging is a supplement to something that is already amazing. Stepping back and taking a break is ok. The lifestyle is not going anywhere without you! 

Take all of the new experiences in moderation, making sure to debrief after each one. Keep communication open and be honest. The worst thing a couple can do is not disclose what they enjoyed or, worse, what they did not like in an experience. One thing that I have personally seen happen was a couple that was very active in the lifestyle; however, one spouse was burnt out. In this case, this person just quietly complained instead of being upfront with their partner. This lack of communication would fall under the realm of taking one for the team, in my opinion. 

If anybody is not 100% invested in play, don’t do it. Take a break and revisit. Spend some time reconnecting with your partner. The fantasies don’t have to stop, and dating doesn’t have to stop, know when to apply the brakes. Nobody should feel pressured to do anything, and swinging is meant to be sexy fun, keep a healthy balance!