You have been called a goddess, queen, matriarch, sister, madam, maiden, girl, vixen, seductress, siren, daughter. There are so many words to describe women. It amazes me how many of these words support sexuality. When I think of my fellow woman, I think of compassionate, educator, healer, friend, factory worker, sex worker, bricklayer, bus driver, Broadway dancer, a dog trainer. Everyday words that fit the ability for a woman to be defined by more than their sexuality alone. This blog is not to downplay men or be an argumentative feminist but encourage to build one another up, especially in the lifestyle community where we, as women, can be at our most vulnerable.
I have heard the negative comments about having a consensually-nonmonogamous relationship. The nonsense wildly pivots from overbearing, oversexed male partners forcing women into submission, to women only agreeing to open their relationship to keep their partner happy. While there are indeed incidences of this happening in non-monogamy, I would say I am accurate in stating that is not the norm.
My experience in observing other women in the lifestyle has been life-changing. I am disturbed that society has placed such a negative connotation on it, but that is our world—judgment without cause or research, reputation destruction based on gossip, and unfounded information. Ultimately, what people do in their bedroom (or playroom) is their business, right? One would think, but we all know that would be too easy. The aspect that I consider life-changing about my experience with my fellow sisters of the lifestyle is the diversity. We are so beautifully different. I have witnessed the beauty of watching a woman let go of mental constraints and discover her own body. I have experienced women of all ages, shapes, backgrounds, cultures, colors, sexualities just let go, and let their inner goddess shine.
I am, by nature, an observer. I love to watch, whether it be sex or just human interaction poolside. Women constantly watch each other. Often we are comparing and sizing up as if we are all in a competition. In the lifestyle, I see more variance of this observation of women to each other. I see appreciation, attraction, vulnerability, and trust.
I don’t recommend the lifestyle to those who are faint of heart about the jealousy of other women. This is not a pissing match; it is opening your mind and relationship to a new experience.
Life is not linear; it’s cyclic. Sexuality has a grey area, and there are no right or wrong answers. Let’s accept each other and help each other rise up. Let’s reclaim how we engage as sisters. Build each other up, encourage the feminine energy that we all have to offer. We can never truly be free if we work to keep parts of ourselves hidden. Your stretch marks and part of who you are, just as infertility tells another woman’s story. We all have a story, embrace each other no matter how different. Life is too short to push down your true femininity and sexuality. The world doesn’t get to tell us who we are unless we choose to conform.
The moral of this story is to love your sisters, smile, encourage and build each other up. We are all in this together, after all.
“I know my worth. I embrace my power. I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story. I will. I’ll speak and share and fuck and love, and I will never apologize for it. I am amazing for you, not because of you. I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself. And I am all of you.”
― Amy Schumer