Firstly, I usually check under the bed. Ok, seriously. ‘Swingers’ are not that easy to find. There are websites that people can discreetly sign up on to help, like Double Date Nation, but not everyone sets up a profile in the lifestyle. Often people choose to meet others organically; they don’t want to compromise their discretion for anything. For the record, many people dislike the term ‘lifestyle’ or ‘swinger’; they prefer to call it an open relationship or consensual non-monogamy. Other people could care less what you call it, they are just glad to be there!

If you choose to attempt to find others organically, you may have your work cut out for you. It will help to start with having a very outgoing personality. You can look for the ‘symbols’ of swingers like a black ring worn on the right hand, or an upside-down pineapple in a grocery cart on Tuesday nights at the local grocery store (urban legend). But then once you approach someone that you feel exhibits a sure symbol of swinger-dom, you had better hope you are right or could land yourself in a precarious situation. “Excuse me ma’am, but it looks as though your pineapple tipped over, are you bisexual?” This is a stretch. 

Websites are a great place to start if you are not so bold as to approach somebody in the spice aisle about their pineapple. (Spice aisle, see what I did there?) A profile can offer as much or as little as you choose, pictures can be explicit or extremely vague; you control how much you offer. Often people will reach out if they are or will be in your area and strike up some conversation. This greatly reduces the possibility that you are talking to someone that would be easily offended by sexual openness. There is worry about private information being compromised as well on such websites. You want to make sure that the website you choose is secure, I recommend reaching out to the admin of such sites and asking about their security certificates and other security measures they have in place to protect your identity and personal information. 

Many lifestyle dating sites offer free memberships; these allow restricted access to other members. Most typically jump on to a paid membership once they play around in the site some. The more pictures you post, the more likely others will be attracted to taking a closer look at your profile. Most of the ‘swingers’ or lifestyle members are parents with busy personal lives and careers. They have little free time to dedicate to ‘the lifestyle’ or ‘swinging’ whatever you want to call it. So, they will not want to ‘waste’ their time with someone that has not posted current pictures.

Another option to meet other swingers organically is to go to a private lifestyle club or erotic club. You can sign up for off-premise clubs and go to events that are often hotel takeovers. On-premise clubs are in usually in larger cities and within a few hours’ drive for most people depending on where you live. Often people will set aside a day/evening in their ‘vanilla’ vacation to visit an on-premise club to let their freak flag fly a bit. Clubs can be mysterious at first and intimidating, but there is no expectation of play by the other patrons. Clubs like Ménages in my hometown of Nashville, have very clear rules and security in place. If anybody crosses a line, let somebody know. In my experience, people that attend clubs are a combination of voyeurs, exhibitionists or just open-minded people. Most of these people respect boundaries if you make them clear. If you visit a club and take your guard down a bit. Get out on the dance floor, alone or with your partner, let your hair down. The more approachable you make yourself the morel likely it is that you will leave having made new friends, and who knows what that can leads to!