Great question! Firstly, I usually check under the bed. Ok, seriously. Swingers are not easy to find. We have multiple apps and websites that people can discreetly sign up on to help, but not everyone sets up a profile in the lifestyle. Some people choose to meet others organically; they don’t want to compromise their discretion for anything. Some people don’t like the term ‘lifestyle’ or ‘swingers’; they prefer to call it an open relationship or consensual non-monogamy. Other people could care less what you call it, they are just glad to be there!

It is sad that we have to hide behind a veil of ‘normal’ to live out our fantasies in our own privacy. Anywho, back to how does one find other swingers? If you choose to search organically, you may have your work cut out for you. It will help to start with having a very outgoing personality. You can look for the ‘symbols’ of swingers like the black rings worn on the right hand, or an upside down pineapple in a grocery cart on Tuesday nights at the local grocery store. But then once you approach someone that you feel exhibits a sure symbol of swinger-dom, you had better hope you are right or could land yourself in a precarious situation. “Excuse me ma’am, but it looks as though your pineapple tipped over, are you bisexual?” This is a stretch.

Websites are a great place to start if you are not so bold as to approach somebody in the spice aisle about their pineapple. (Spice aisle, see what I did there?) A profile can offer as much or as little as you choose, pictures can be explicit or extremely vague; you control how much you offer. Often people will reach out if they are or will be in your area and strike up some conversation. This greatly reduces the possibility that you are talking to someone that would be easily offended by sexual openness. There is worry about private information being compromised as well on such websites. You want to make sure that the website you choose is secure, I recommend reaching out to the admin of such sites and asking about their security certificates and other security measures they have in place to protect your identity and personal information. Many lifestyle dating sites offer free memberships; these allow restricted access to other members. Most typically jump on to a paid membership once they play around in the site some. The more pictures you post, the more likely others will be attracted to taking a closer look at your profile. Often people will not post face pictures on the sites but will offer to send face pictures after a conversation has started. This will limit you some if you choose to take this route. Most of the ‘swingers’ or lifestyle members are parents with busy personal lives and careers. They have little free time to dedicate to ‘the lifestyle’ or ‘swinging’ whatever you want to call it. So they will not want to ‘waste’ their time with someone that has never shown their face.

Another option to meet other swingers organically is to go to a lifestyle resort, club, or event. These are plentiful. You can sign up for off-premise clubs and go to events that are often hotel takeovers. On-premise clubs are in usually in larger cities and within a weekend drive for most people depending on where you live. Some people will set aside for a day or two in their ‘vanilla’ vacation to visit an on-premise club to let their freak flag fly a bit. There are some popular lifestyle resorts where you can get your feet wet, among other things, but there is no expectation of play. In my experience, some of the people that attend lifestyle resorts are nudists, voyeurs, or exhibitionists. Most of these people respect boundaries if you make them clear. If you visit a lifestyle resort, it is likely that you will leave with new friends that you will keep in touch with.

The lifestyle tends to be costly, events and takeovers are upward of $200+ once you include a hotel room, liquor, costumes, and childcare for one night. Clubs are similar in cost at close to $100 in entry fee’s and are BYOB. Lifestyle resorts are the most costly as one would expect at any resort. The great news is that you have options; the bad news is there is not one easy one. Find what you and your partner are most comfortable with and leap when you are ready. Most importantly, communicate and have fun!!