Choose a place that is open, like a bar or restaurant. Some people like to meet at bars since it is noisy and the conversation can be somewhat drowned out by surrounding noise. Others prefer quiet conversation at a restaurant. It is really whatever suits you. Even if you are on a double date with no expectations, you may not like the people you are meeting with. Beforehand, discuss body language or signs so you can signal to your partner that you want to leave or close out the evening soon. Our experience is that the conversation tends to get very interesting and we have been known to sit at a restaurant for hours chatting and laughing with another couple. With this said, you may want to consider some place that is comfortable to post up for a bit.
These events are often held in the same places/hotels. Ball rooms, banquet rooms, conference halls are rented out, similar to a large reception. These offer the convenience of being in a hotel so travel is not necessary if you want to “play”. Usually they are BYOB, providing mixers and setups. These events offer a good opportunity to get to know others in an environment that has less pressure. You can dress up sexy, have some drinks, flirt, meet new people, dance and then leave if you so choose.
These clubs are similar to your average night club, at first. Dance floor, good music, bartenders etc. However, usually upstairs or in the back there is an area for “play” They may offer private play areas, or large open play areas for several to play. Visit the club website before attending, look at reviews and ask others in that area what their thoughts about the club. Most clubs are BYOB.
Private parties are a growing trend. These are held at someone’s house and typically by invitation only. A house party might be a little overwhelming if you are new to the lifestyle or have never been to a club before.
Now that you have joined the sexy world of Double Date Nation does not mean you have to act on ANYTHING. Setting up a discreet profile and taking a look around is fine, take your time. If you choose to move forward you can, if you choose not to, you can delete it all and act like nothing ever happened. We recommend relevant podcasts to listen to when you have the chance. My husband and I would listen to snippets together of the “We Gotta Thing” podcast with Mr. & Mrs. Jones. We quickly related to them and listened to their sexy stories and hilarious mishaps, they had been right where we were. Listening to them helped us gain insight about what to expect at a “Swinger’s Club” or at a Lifestyle Resort….even what to expect on a couple’s date. If you are new to the lifestyle, listening to them is a fun way to learn before you take the leap!
Unicorns are women that desire to meet other singles or couples on her own. She may be married or single. If she is married, she may have a “hall pass” to meet others. Unicorns are very hard to find and are the most sought after “status” of all!
That is entirely up to you! You may meet people while you are on vacation or traveling, so likely you will not see them again. However, some people travel quite a distance to visit their Lifestyle friends a few times per year. Some of our closest friends are people we met in the Lifestyle, there are times we go out to dinner with no sexual plan in place whatsoever just to catch up and have spicy conversation.
You can’t possibly say this with a straight face, right? While love goes deep and lust is only skin deep, we are wired to be sexual creatures. It is totally normal to have fantasies about people other than your partner or the world of porn would be bankrupt. What is the most incredible dynamic in the lifestyle is how much closer and attracted you become to your partner. You are completely open and honest with each other in a way that you could never have imagined.
1.No unequivocally means NO. End of discussion.
2. Condoms are a must unless decided upon by all parties. (I never recommend bare back, so there’s that.)
3. Respect boundaries-from your partner and others. If you feel that you have to coax someone into doing something that is not going to turn out well.
4. Respect the privacy of others. Don’t talk to other people about your experience with someone else, that’s never ok.
5. If you make your own boundaries, stick to them. Don’t feel like you need to change your boundaries in the heat of a moment in fear of letting people down.
6. Make your own rules and be clear about them. Whether it be an online profile or chatting, be clear on what you do and don’t do.
7. Do not enter the world of swinging to “save” your relationship. This lifestyle is a fun, sexy situation to implement into a strong relationship. This will wreak havoc on an already damaged one.
8. It’s always a good idea to ask before you touch, just don’t assume people want to you to touch them.
9. Don’t grab, nope.
10. Always keep your partner informed, especially before a date or event. Nobody likes surprises.
11. Don’t lie.
12. Establish consent between play partners and your partner. Everyone needs to be on the same page.
13. Don’t assume.
There is no way to accurately know for sure how many swingers there are globally since many choose to be discreet about it. There are a few million for sure according to the Kinsey Institute. They come in all sizes, ages, shapes, races you name it. They are your neighbors, teachers, friends, co-workers, librarians, mechanics, bank tellers, judges….the list goes on….and wait for it….even your parents! Swingers ages range from the early ’20s to the golden years. They are human just like everyone else.
You have to both want to do it, wholeheartedly, otherwise you are signing up for disaster. You need a strong foundation in your relationship and the ability to be completely open with each other. Respect is key, you make your rules together and you need to abide by them together. Talk, talk and more talk. You will need open channels of communication on BOTH sides. Be willing to talk about things you have probably never talked about and be ready to hear the same type of things from your partner. After experiences, it is helpful (and sexy) to recap the event. Talk about what you liked and what you would have changed, share your take on the situation. Many couples say that this is the best part…the re-connection sex together after a swinging encounter. It is so sexy!!
It’s fairly safe to assume that most every person has a fantasy, curiosity or fetish about something sexual. We are all human. Whether we choose to admit this or not is another story! People that swing are typically those who have been in a long term relationship and are open-minded sexually. The only way to know if swinging is right for you and your partner is to COMMUNICATE! Yes, talk it out. Open up about fantasies, be vulnerable. This way you can both learn more about each other and then discuss what you might be open to trying together. There can be jealousy and confusion, especially in the beginning. Keep your mind open and try to see things how your partner is seeing it. Sometimes when jealousy transpires this is an immediate deal breaker, and swinging might not be right for you and that is ok. Swinging will only be successful if both parties are invested and good with the idea. This is not a race, you should not feel rushed to do anything in a certain amount of time. There is no right or wrong way to be a swinger.
Full Swap is having sexual intercourse with another partner, while your partner does the same. Soft swap is typically limited to kissing, oral sex, making out.
The swinging lifestyle is a collective group of people that choose to be non-monogamous sexually, as a couple. Swingers are either married or in long term committed relationships. Couples might “swap” with others, having intercourse with someone other than their partner. Other people simply soft play (no penetration) while others just watch. As with any type of “dating” there are circumstances where couples go to clubs to meet other couples or on websites like the one you are on now!