DDN Blog

By Admin Andi

Who Needs Consent?

We have all heard the uproar about the importance of getting consent before engaging in any type of physical interaction with another person. Physical interaction could be as aggressive as grabbing, kissing, or as innocent as hugging or conversational touching. No matter the circumstance, nobody has the given right to touch another person without permission. The environment does not alter that rule. If you are at a Lifestyle Club with a person dancing next to you completely naked, you still need to ask permission to touch. Often the situation gets blamed as though the person doing the touching has a right due to it being ‘understood’ and this is not the case. Men get a bad name for this, and it is not always the men that are not getting the proper consent. Yes, ladies, you need to ask permission too. A friend of mine told me the story of being at a dinner party, and there was a combination of local lifestyle couples and vanilla couples. The vanilla [...]

What Motivation?

I speak from my own experience on this topic, as other people may be different than Dave and I. When we entered the lifestyle and decided to open our marriage, we both discovered that we had gravely let ourselves go. We had both stopped working out due to hectic work schedules and paid no attention to our diets. I did not take the time to dress up super sexy like I did when we first got together. We became comfortable, as many people do. The world of metaphoric ‘elastic waistbands and house shoes’ were becoming not just our norm, but the preference for the majority of the time. In my mind, we were past the courting or honeymoon phase. The excitement and spark had faded some, and now this was what normal people do. I have never really grouped myself in with the definition of ‘normal,’ I think most people I know would agree. We found ourselves participating in the daily grind, get up go to work, come home, [...]

Taking a Break is OK!

Too much of a good thing is not always a good thing. The Lifestyle is so exciting when it is new,  talk about sensory overload! However, there is a need to reel back to reality regularly. Now that we have some time in the LS under our wing, it is easy for us to spot ‘newbies gone loco’ because we did the same thing. If you are not careful, the ultra-energy and excitement can wear on your partner and your relationship. It can feel like a drug or that high that you experienced when you first met your partner. You may experience excitement, the feeling of wanting to be the best you can be. You will find yourself motivated to eat right, hit the gym and groom like you haven’t done in years. All of these things are positive, but you should be cautious not to let it outshine your relationship. This is something new, but it does not replace what you already have and love. Make sure know [...]

We Have Fantasies, but What is ‘Normal’?

Good luck trying to define normal in any relationship. Who is ‘normal’? What in the hell is ‘normal’? Society has put such constraints and judgment on anything that doesn’t fall into a picturesque image of a photo-shopped 2.5 member family, picket fence, and a medium-sized rescue dog. That is not real life. Some may like to attempt to conform to that image and find acceptance from society; I imagine that most find misery in trying to achieve it. Ultimately, I think that trying to play a part and act happy is a fantasy within itself. We all have sexual fantasies, brains, and sex organs. With the combination of those three things, we are doomed to ever be just like anybody else. Fetishes, fantasies, and even just risqué thoughts are a lot more fun when you have a trusted partner, with whom you can share them. Being able to open up to Dave was the most freeing year of my life. No judgment, just the ability to be human. We [...]

What is a Swinger?

The age-old question, or not. What is a swinger exactly? The stigma of the word ‘swinger’ takes many people back to the 1960s and 1970s where free love was ‘in style’ as if it were a phase. This term turns this turns a lot of people off. Some people refer to the ‘lifestyle’ or the ‘swinging scene’ or just the ‘scene.’ There is no incorrect way to address it. The term ‘monogamish’ has become popular as well as consensual non-monogamy or ethical non-monogamy. Whatever you choose to call it, it is something that has always been going on and seems to be trending up in popularity. There is no way to tell if that because more people are doing it or more people are just being honest about doing it. People tend to keep the utmost discretion while engaging in these types of open relationships. Essentially a swinger is a couple that engages in sexual activity with people outside of their monogamous relationship but typically together. This can include [...]

How do you find swingers?

Firstly, I usually check under the bed. Ok, seriously. ‘Swingers’ are not that easy to find. There are websites that people can discreetly sign up on to help, like Double Date Nation, but not everyone sets up a profile in the lifestyle. Often people choose to meet others organically; they don’t want to compromise their discretion for anything. For the record, many people dislike the term ‘lifestyle’ or ‘swinger’; they prefer to call it an open relationship or consensual non-monogamy. Other people could care less what you call it, they are just glad to be there! If you choose to attempt to find others organically, you may have your work cut out for you. It will help to start with having a very outgoing personality. You can look for the ‘symbols’ of swingers like a black ring worn on the right hand, or an upside-down pineapple in a grocery cart on Tuesday nights at the local grocery store (urban legend). But then once you approach someone that you feel [...]