In a Perfect World

We don’t live in a perfect world and we never will. The reality of perfection is so out of the realm of possibility; we wouldn’t recognize it if it slapped us on the butt. But I digress, in a perfect world we wouldn’t feel chastised for expressing ourselves as we wanted. Society places such an intense amount of pressure on conformity. You must look happy in all pictures and have a happy dog. The problem is that nobody in these prepped, filtered and photo-shopped feeds are a reality. If we could only see, hear or even smell what was happening as the subject was taking the ‘perfect’ picture. I can only imagine and screaming baby, burning mac and cheese or Jerry Springer playing in the background. The picture that presents to the world is a beautiful person, with flawless skin and most importantly is ‘beyond blessed’ as stated in the thread below the picture of eloquent bullshit. Why do we fall into this trend? The same thing goes for [...]

Desire Pearl VS Desire RM

Now let’s start with this; these are both resorts that do not require nudity or even topless patrons. With that said, if you have never gone topless or nude before you may feel comfortable in doing so before you leave the resort. Our first trip was to Desire Pearl, and we were pretty much terrified. We stood at our glass door and look out at the pool where everyone seemed to be in the buff. We looked at each other and just said, “let’s do this.” The pool is larger at Pearl as well as the hot tub. There is a swim-up pool bar at both resorts which is very nice. The ‘Playmakers’ are very good at getting activities going during the days, whether it be pool volleyball or sexy games. You do not have to participate in the activities at either resort; we did not find there to be any pressure to do so. The beach at Pearl battles a lot of seaweed that gets washed up onto [...]

So Many Questions!

Who are other swingers? Where do you find other swingers? Who can we trust? What if we don’t like it? What if only one of us likes the swinging lifestyle? I wish there were a simple, easy solution to answering these questions. The best way to figure these out is to step out and explore a bit. If you set up a profile on a lifestyle dating site like Double Date Nation you can anonymously browse and even flirt with potential swinger friends. Websites are a safe, non-committal approach. Keep lines of communication open between partners, and it is a good idea to go through the profiles together. It can be fun, and you tend to learn a lot about each other when doing so. Some couples designate one person to weed through profiles/messages and then share the best choices that they have chosen; this works as well. You will find what works for you and your partner.  If you are feeling more adventurous, stepping out to an event [...]

The Margin of Error in the Lifestyle-Keep it Realistic

In my opinion, we should all have well-defined boundaries. Despite having discussed several scenarios and experiences with our partner, unforeseeable events can and likely, will arise. For instance, close friends of mine have a ‘no kissing’ rule. They do engage in full swap, but they do not kiss other people on the mouth. In one circumstance, they were in an intense sexual experience. There was a lot of chemistry and a good four-way connection. In the heat of the moment, the female member of the opposite couple planted a kiss right on the male member of the no kissing club. He reciprocated the kiss and did not turn away. Later he explained that he was caught up in the moment and did not want to disturb the energy.  The problem was that his wife saw this happen and became very upset and stopped all play immediately and left the room. He had a split second to make a choice, and he ultimately made the wrong one. Ground rules and [...]

Being a Team Player is Not the Same as Taking One for the Team

The transition to playtime can be awkward enough as it is, but when there is not a four-way attraction and rejection is inevitable, that can be even more awkward. Avoiding this pressure often can lead to the feeling of this pressure overpowering doing the right thing for yourself. It is so easy to feel a sense of obligation in these situations. You spend time getting to know a couple and know how rare it is that they get a babysitter and go out to let their freak flag fly. Despite that pressure, you don’t owe anybody. This mindset should be that of everyone on the date. If somebody is not attracted or not feeling the sexy vibe, it is very difficult to figure out how to bow out even if you step on toes. Feeling pressure to play in the swinging lifestyle is never ok. Every couple should go into a couples date with no expectation unless another plan is determined prior. Sometimes it is helpful to state in [...]

Lifestyle Resorts, Swinger Resorts, Clothing-Optional Resorts

What is the first thing you think of when somebody mentions Lifestyle Resort? Sex, parties, and alcohol? Not necessarily, but possible. Once you arrive at a clothing-optional resort, it can be sensory overload. Many people find themselves pulling back and having immediate panic. Just keep telling yourself it is going to be ok! You don’t have to do anything that you are not comfortable with doing. Of course, there are always exceptions to this, but I believe, for the most part, the pressure is relatively low. Honestly, it is easy to spot a newbie or a first-timer at one of these resorts, just by the behavior. Some LS resorts give you a specific bracelet that ‘labels’ you are a first time visitor, others let you blend in a bit more. Sometimes being a chameleon is too easy, it can be helpful to have another patron of the resort scoop you up out of your shell. When we arrived at a Lifestyle Resort for the first time, we peeked out [...]

Do ‘Swingers’ Get Jealous?

Short answer, yes. Those who are in an open relationship will likely experience normal emotional responses. It can happen, jealousy can creep in. Communication is so important. The intentionality may be completely innocent during an explicit experience, but how your partner perceives could be opposite. It is possible to have communicated with your partner before a lifestyle experience, and the perception of the actual event can still be ambiguous. You do what you can to prevent the issue, but if and when it does arise you should be prepared to deal with it, head-on. It is not difficult to see when your partner is upset, whether it be from directly stating it to even being passive-aggressive.  Full disclosure and re-connection are important after a lifestyle experience, especially when something seems amiss. It has happened to all of us. Handling this correctly and delicately can help you both learn from the issue and make sure that blurred lines are cleared up. Your relationship is monolithic, and it is important [...]

How Does a Couple ‘Swing’?

The swinging lifestyle has its challenges. It works well for a secure couple that is sexually uninhibited and curious about expanding their sexual fantasies beyond just their partner. Taking part in this lifestyle will likely be a disaster if both partners are not completely into the idea of it or if there are underlying unresolved issues. An open relationship is not going to repair a recent heartbreak or transgression within a marriage. The good news is that if your marriage is solid and you have discussed ‘out of the box’ fantasies etc., then this may be sexy option for you to explore. Many couples are unsure how to become ‘swingers’, it is pretty easy. The best way to find local swingers is by setting up an online profile. An online profile on a secure site like Double Date Nation allows you a safe and secure environment to control your level of privacy. Double Date Nation also gears toward the ‘newbies’ with less aggressive options. If a couple is new [...]

Who Needs Consent?

We have all heard the uproar about the importance of getting consent before engaging in any type of physical interaction with another person. Physical interaction could be as aggressive as grabbing, kissing, or as innocent as hugging or conversational touching. No matter the circumstance, nobody has the given right to touch another person without permission. The environment does not alter that rule. If you are at a Lifestyle Club with a person dancing next to you completely naked, you still need to ask permission to touch. Often the situation gets blamed as though the person doing the touching has a right due to it being ‘understood’ and this is not the case. Men get a bad name for this, and it is not always the men that are not getting the proper consent. Yes, ladies, you need to ask permission too. A friend of mine told me the story of being at a dinner party, and there was a combination of local lifestyle couples and vanilla couples. The vanilla [...]

What Motivation?

I speak from my own experience on this topic, as other people may be different than Dave and I. When we entered the lifestyle and decided to open our marriage, we both discovered that we had gravely let ourselves go. We had both stopped working out due to hectic work schedules and paid no attention to our diets. I did not take the time to dress up super sexy like I did when we first got together. We became comfortable, as many people do. The world of metaphoric ‘elastic waistbands and house shoes’ were becoming not just our norm, but the preference for the majority of the time. In my mind, we were past the courting or honeymoon phase. The excitement and spark had faded some, and now this was what normal people do. I have never really grouped myself in with the definition of ‘normal,’ I think most people I know would agree. We found ourselves participating in the daily grind, get up go to work, come home, [...]