Swinger Blog

The Margin of Error in the Lifestyle-Keep it Realistic

By |2019-08-14T18:45:52+00:00August 14th, 2019|Swinger Blog, Swinger Lifestyle, Uncategorized|

In my opinion, we should all have well-defined boundaries. Despite having discussed several scenarios and experiences with our partner, unforeseeable events can and likely, will arise. For instance, close friends of mine have a ‘no kissing’ rule. They do engage in full swap, but they do not kiss other people on the mouth. In one circumstance, they were in an intense sexual experience. There was a lot of chemistry and a good four-way connection. In the heat of the moment, the female member of the opposite couple planted a kiss right on the male member of the no kissing club. He reciprocated the kiss and did not turn away. Later he explained that he was caught up in the moment and did not want to disturb the energy.  The problem was that his wife saw this happen and became very upset and stopped all play immediately and left the room. He had a split second to make a choice, and he ultimately made the wrong one. Ground rules and [...]

Being a Team Player is Not the Same as Taking One for the Team

By |2019-08-07T21:19:41+00:00August 7th, 2019|Swinger Blog, Swinger Lifestyle, Swingers|

The transition to playtime can be awkward enough as it is, but when there is not a four-way attraction and rejection is inevitable, that can be even more awkward. Avoiding this pressure often can lead to the feeling of this pressure overpowering doing the right thing for yourself. It is so easy to feel a sense of obligation in these situations. You spend time getting to know a couple and know how rare it is that they get a babysitter and go out to let their freak flag fly. Despite that pressure, you don’t owe anybody. This mindset should be that of everyone on the date. If somebody is not attracted or not feeling the sexy vibe, it is very difficult to figure out how to bow out even if you step on toes. Feeling pressure to play in the swinging lifestyle is never ok. Every couple should go into a couples date with no expectation unless another plan is determined prior. Sometimes it is helpful to state in [...]

Lifestyle Resorts, Swinger Resorts, Clothing-Optional Resorts

By |2019-08-01T19:01:02+00:00July 31st, 2019|Swinger Blog, Swinger Lifestyle, Swingers|

What is the first thing you think of when somebody mentions Lifestyle Resort? Sex, parties, and alcohol? Not necessarily, but possible. Once you arrive at a clothing-optional resort, it can be sensory overload. Many people find themselves pulling back and having immediate panic. Just keep telling yourself it is going to be ok! You don’t have to do anything that you are not comfortable with doing. Of course, there are always exceptions to this, but I believe, for the most part, the pressure is relatively low. Honestly, it is easy to spot a newbie or a first-timer at one of these resorts, just by the behavior. Some LS resorts give you a specific bracelet that ‘labels’ you are a first time visitor, others let you blend in a bit more. Sometimes being a chameleon is too easy, it can be helpful to have another patron of the resort scoop you up out of your shell. When we arrived at a Lifestyle Resort for the first time, we peeked out [...]

Do ‘Swingers’ Get Jealous?

By |2019-08-07T20:09:45+00:00July 23rd, 2019|Swinger Blog, Swinger Lifestyle, Swingers|

Short answer, yes. Those who are in the lifestyle will likely experience normal emotional responses. It can happen, jealousy can creep in. Communication is so important. The intentionality may be completely innocent during an explicit experience, but how your partner perceives could be opposite. It is possible to have communicated with your partner before a lifestyle experience, and the perception of the actual event can still be ambiguous. You do what you can to prevent the issue, but if and when it does arise you should be prepared to deal with it, head-on. It is not difficult to see when your partner is upset, whether it be from directly stating it to even being passive-aggressive.  Full disclosure and reconnection are important after a lifestyle experience, especially when something seems amiss. It has happened to all of us. Handling this correctly and delicately can help you both learn from the issue and make sure that blurred lines are cleared up. Your relationship is monolithic, and it is important to [...]

How Does a Couple ‘Swing’?

By |2019-08-08T19:33:40+00:00July 15th, 2019|Swinger Blog, Swinger Lifestyle, Swingers|

The swinging lifestyle has its challenges. It works well for a secure couple that is sexually uninhibited and curious about expanding their sexual fantasies beyond just their partner. Taking part in this lifestyle will likely be a disaster if both partners are not completely into the idea of it or if there are underlying unresolved issues. The swinging lifestyle is not going to repair a recent heartbreak or transgression within a marriage. The good news is that if your marriage is solid and you have discussed ‘out of the box’ fantasies etc., then this may be sexy option for you to explore. Many couples are unsure how to become ‘swingers,’ it is pretty easy. The best way to find local swingers is by setting up an online profile. An online profile on a secure site like Double Date Nation allows you a safe and secure environment to control your level of privacy. Double Date Nation also gears toward the ‘newbies’ with less aggressive options. If a couple is new [...]

Who Needs Consent?

By |2019-07-18T18:56:01+00:00July 8th, 2019|Swinger Blog, Swinger Lifestyle, Swingers|

We have all heard the uproar about the importance of getting consent before engaging in any type of physical interaction with another person. Physical interaction could be as aggressive as grabbing, kissing, or as innocent as hugging or conversational touching. No matter the circumstance, nobody has the given right to touch another person without permission. The environment does not alter that rule. If you are at a Lifestyle Club with a person dancing next to you completely naked, you still need to ask permission to touch. Often the situation gets blamed as though the person doing the touching has a right due to it being ‘understood’ and this is not the case. Men get a bad name for this, and it is not always the men that are not getting the proper consent. Yes, ladies, you need to ask permission too. A friend of mine told me the story of being at a dinner party, and there was a combination of local lifestyle couples and vanilla couples. The vanilla [...]

What Motivation?

By |2019-07-18T19:35:26+00:00June 28th, 2019|Swinger Blog, Swinger Lifestyle, Swingers|

I speak from my own experience on this topic, as other people may be different than Dave and I. When we entered the lifestyle and decided to open our marriage, we both discovered that we had gravely let ourselves go. We had both stopped working out due to hectic work schedules and paid no attention to our diets. I did not take the time to dress up super sexy like I did when we first got together. We became comfortable, as many people do. The world of metaphoric ‘elastic waistbands and house shoes’ were becoming not just our norm, but the preference for the majority of the time. In my mind, we were past the courting or honeymoon phase. The excitement and spark had faded some, and now this was what normal people do. I have never really grouped myself in with the definition of ‘normal,’ I think most people I know would agree. We found ourselves participating in the daily grind, get up go to work, come home, [...]

We Have Fantasies, but What is ‘Normal’?

By |2019-07-18T18:04:32+00:00June 17th, 2019|Swinger Blog, Swinger Lifestyle, Swingers|

Good luck trying to define normal in any relationship. Who is ‘normal’? What in the hell is ‘normal’? Society has put such constraints and judgment on anything that doesn’t fall into a picturesque image of a photo-shopped 2.5 member family, picket fence, and a medium-sized rescue dog. That is not real life. Some may like to attempt to conform to that image and find acceptance from society; I imagine that most find misery in trying to achieve it. Ultimately, I think that trying to play a part and act happy is a fantasy within itself. We all have sexual fantasies, brains, and sex organs. With the combination of those three things, we are doomed to ever be just like anybody else. Fetishes, fantasies, and even just risqué thoughts are a lot more fun when you have a trusted partner, with whom you can share them. Being able to open up to Dave was the most freeing year of my life. No judgment, just the ability to be human. We [...]

What is a Swinger?

By |2019-07-18T19:13:23+00:00June 13th, 2019|Swinger Blog, Swinger Lifestyle, Swingers|

The age-old question, or not. What is a swinger exactly? The stigma of the word ‘swinger’ takes many people back to the 1960s and 1970s where free love was ‘in style’ as if it were a phase. This term turns this turns a lot of people off. Some people refer to the ‘lifestyle’ or the ‘swinging scene’ or just the ‘scene.’ There is no incorrect way to address it. The term ‘monogamish’ has become popular as well as consensual non-monogamy or ethical non-monogamy. Whatever you choose to call it, it is something that has always been going on and seems to be trending up in popularity. There is no way to tell if that because more people are doing it or more people are just being honest about doing it. People tend to keep the utmost discretion while engaging in these types of open relationships. Essentially a swinger is a couple that engages in sexual activity with people outside of their monogamous relationship but typically together. This can include [...]

How do you find swingers?

By |2019-08-07T21:48:08+00:00June 11th, 2019|Swinger Blog, Swinger Lifestyle, Swingers|

Firstly, I usually check under the bed. Ok, seriously. ‘Swingers’ are not that easy to find. There are websites that people can discreetly sign up on to help, like Double Date Nation, but not everyone sets up a profile in the lifestyle. Often people choose to meet others organically; they don’t want to compromise their discretion for anything. For the record, many people dislike the term ‘lifestyle’ or ‘swinger’; they prefer to call it an open relationship or consensual non-monogamy. Other people could care less what you call it, they are just glad to be there! If you choose to attempt to find others organically, you may have your work cut out for you. It will help to start with having a very outgoing personality. You can look for the ‘symbols’ of swingers like a black ring worn on the right hand, or an upside-down pineapple in a grocery cart on Tuesday nights at the local grocery store (urban legend). But then once you approach someone that you feel [...]