My initial response is that ONLY happy couples are successful as swingers!
The swinger lifestyle is a complex one. Often the stereotypical view of ‘swingers’ is that it is a huge orgy or group sex party every weekend. While it might be for some, in my experience, that is not how it has been for me. It is not for the faint of heart, but it is extremely powerful in bringing two (or more) people together on many levels.
If you are in a relationship that has a sturdy foundation of trust, then that is a good place to start. Swinging opens up many doors emotionally and psychologically. I would imagine that most people don’t wake up and decide that they are going to become swingers without any forethought. In my case, it was an ongoing discussion of fantasies and desires. In my conservative upbringing, an open relationship was cheating, plain and simple. There is no grey area, no room for being human.
The conversation evolved to more ‘taboo’ topics, then eventually, we discussed opening up our marriage. I had no idea that there were so many people in the swinger lifestyle, so it was exciting to meet so many great people. But I digress. The lifestyle is a great outlet for a happily committed couple, as it exposes you both to all kinds of sexual scenarios. However, if your relationship is damaged or in repair, the swinger lifestyle is probably not a good idea. View swinging as a great ‘add on’ to an already amazing relationship, not a bandage for a suffering relationship.
It takes an un-measurable amount of trust and faith in your partner when entering into the swinging lifestyle. It can be nerve-wracking at first, but just like a hot bath, once you ease in, you get very comfortable and can enjoy it. In my experience, I had a stable, grounded relationship. We were married for about six years at the time. In the past, I was a very jealous partner, although I didn’t convey my feelings openly. Now, I have no feelings of jealousy. Now, I look forward to seeing my hubby enjoying someone else; it is the biggest turn on I have ever experienced.
I have never been completely raw and uninhibited with anybody like I am now with my husband and vice versa. The swinging lifestyle has lifted mental restraints that, in the past, forced me to feel the thoughts I was having were unhealthy or abnormal. I have evolved as a woman and as a wife. In my opinion, you can be happy in a monogamous relationship and have sex with other people. It is not something that is concrete, and it is not something that is easily understood if you haven’t tried it. I would have been a cautious and judgmental onlooker a decade ago. I have learned more about myself in the past five years than I did in 35 years before that. If you are considering the swinger lifestyle, proceed with caution. Leave judgment, insecurities at the door and enter with an open mind and heart.