The transition to playtime can be awkward enough as it is, but when there is not a four-way attraction and rejection is inevitable, that can be even more awkward. Avoiding this pressure often can lead to the feeling of this pressure overpowering doing the right thing for yourself. It is so easy to feel a sense of obligation in these situations. You spend time getting to know a couple and know how rare it is that they get a babysitter and go out to let their freak flag fly. Despite that pressure, you don’t owe anybody. This mindset should be that of everyone on the date. If somebody is not attracted or not feeling the sexy vibe, it is very difficult to figure out how to bow out even if you step on toes. Feeling pressure to play in the swinging lifestyle is never ok. Every couple should go into a couples date with no expectation unless another plan is determined prior. Sometimes it is helpful to state in your online profile that you don’t play on the first date without exception. You can also choose a lifestyle website that gives you the option of dates with ‘No Expectations’ like Double Date Nation. This way there will be less of a chance of pressure, and if play is suggested you can fall back to your rule of no play on the first date. The old rule says, ‘an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure’ and it’s true.

Stating your hard limits before ever meeting will typically remove those expectations and unnecessary pressure. If another couple cancels because of your hard limits than it is probably just as well. I have been in the position of ‘taking one for the team’ more than once. I didn’t speak up and say that I was not interested, nobody pressured me. I overthought the situation and placed pressure on myself. Playing in the swinging lifestyle or an open marriage is supposed to supplement your relationship. It is supposed to be an addition to something that is already very good. If you are miserable once playtime begins, what is positive about that? That is the worst feeling, and then you find it is even harder to get out of the situation. A respectable couple can handle rejection maturely and appropriately. If a person lashes out or becomes angry with a decline, then you are not in good company. 

The same rule should apply to your partner. If you are feeling an attraction to somebody and your partner is not, respect your partner first, without exception. If your partner participates in play only because you want them to, this will likely cause animosity and could even result in your partner not agreeing to play ever again. Keep communication open, boundaries clear, and always convey your interest honestly.

Stick to your guns. Don’t ever play under pressure. Keep it safe, fun, and sexy!