Women have always had a tough time feeling the pressure of keeping up appearances. Now that social media and filters are popular; it’s damn near impossible. Aging is inevitable, and it seems that men become ‘distinguished’ women become ‘old.’ It is not a perfect vantage point, in my opinion. I think women of all ages have the beauty that comes with wisdom and life experience, but not everyone shares my opinion—joining the lifestyle spares no pressure, unfortunately. I have learned one thing in the swinger lifestyle, don’t overthink it. If you have a sexy date coming up, you aren’t going to morph yourself into perfection before next weekend. Is that what it’s all about? Women have always had a tough time feeling the pressure of keeping up appearances. Now that social media and filters are popular; it’s damn near impossible. Aging is inevitable, and it seems that men become ‘distinguished’ women become ‘old.’ It is not a perfect vantage point, in my opinion. I think women of all ages have the beauty that comes with wisdom and life experience, but not everyone shares my opinion—joining the lifestyle spares no pressure, unfortunately. I have learned one thing in the swinger lifestyle, don’t overthink it. If you have a sexy date coming up, you aren’t going to morph yourself into perfection before next weekend. Is that what it’s all about? 

The idea of feeling like I have to submit perfection is not sexy to me, not to mention, it is too much pressure. I want to play in the lifestyle because of how it enhances an already stellar sexual connection that I share with my husband. I don’t engage in lifestyle play to receive accolades from others. 

The funny thing is, nobody expects perfection, and if you do, there is not another human being that can measure up. The truth is that while you are focusing on your imperfections, so are the people you are with. Everyone focuses on themselves, and that can be a real cockblocker! Many women in the lifestyle have gone through changes, pregnancy, weight gain/loss, hormonal changes; you name it, women deal with it. Own who you are as a woman, learn to love yourself, inside and out. The standard that the world and the internet have created is impossible and, most importantly, not real. 

I have learned so much about my husband while in an open relationship. I had predisposed his idea of a ‘perfect’ woman in my head without considering what his actual opinion was on the topic. What I have mentally created in my fantasy world mind was different than what he felt matched his sexual cues. The standard that we set in our minds is likely not the same one in the minds of those we are attracted to sexually. 

Entering into the swinger lifestyle yields an opportunity to be completely raw and exposed. That sounds terrifying for someone who has never done it, but it feels surprisingly normal. Lifestyle resorts where topless or nude beaches/pools are, allow you to let your hair down. Another place that might help to confront the mental demons of self-judgment is lifestyle clubs that people of all sizes and ages come together to dress sexy and just have fun. 

When you are around others that are confident with all of their imperfections, it makes your own seem unnecessary. They don’t seem to mind, so why should you? The next thing you know, you love being free from the weight that comes with overthinking and under-appreciating the body you have. Your body likely has history and scars of what has made you who you are today. Own it and love it.  Female sexuality is whatever you make it. Don’t forget to love your body, enjoy it, if you so choose, learn to let other people enjoy it, to your satisfaction.